The Cost of Silence: Why Institutions Protect Themselves Instead of Children

I didn’t grow up invisible.

I went to school.
I went to church.
I smiled for pictures.
I showed up.

And yet, I was profoundly unprotected.

By the time I was five years old, I was being exposed to pornography on a daily basis. Not once. Not accidentally. Not hidden. It was part of the environment I lived in.

Adults knew my home was neglectful.
Some suspected things weren’t right.
Some knew things weren’t right.

And still, no one reported it.

Not teachers.
Not church leaders.
Not mandatory reporters.
Not the adults who whispered concerns behind closed doors.

I learned early that showing up didn’t mean someone was watching out for you.

As I got older, the danger didn’t disappear. It escalated.

Friends came to my house, and boundaries that should never be crossed were crossed openly. My dad showed them pornography and even asked them what kind they liked. Again, adults knew. Again, nothing was done. Silence followed me like a shadow.

As a teenager, I was groomed by someone in my own family. Trusted. Familiar. Close. The kind of person no one wants to believe could do harm.

I told my mother what was happening. I told her about the grooming. I told her about the abuse. Instead of protecting me, she blamed me. And nothing was done.

I was drugged by that same person. The cops were at our home that same day for an unrelated reason. My Aunt knew about my condition and who did it. Help was inches away. And instead of her getting the help I needed, she hid me away in a bedroom so the cops couldn’t see my 15 year old drugged state.

I carried that silence into deeper abuse.
And then into motherhood, at the age of 18.

People love to ask how these things happen.
They imagine some dark alley, some obvious monster, some single moment that explains it all.

But that’s not how it works.

It works when neglect is noticed and ignored.
When patterns are seen and dismissed.
When discomfort is avoided.
When institutions protect themselves instead of children.

What happened to me wasn’t a failure of awareness.
It was a failure of courage.

And that’s the cost of silence.

Let’s stop pretending this is complicated.

Children aren’t harmed because predators are brilliant masterminds.
They’re harmed because adults with power choose comfort over courage.

Silence isn’t accidental.
It’s strategic.

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Silence Is a Decision… Not a Neutral Act

Every time an institution says:

• “We’re handling this internally”
• “There’s no evidence at this time”
• “We don’t want to rush to judgment”
• “We need to protect everyone involved”
• “Let’s not ruin reputations”

What they really mean is:

We’ve decided the child is expendable.

Silence doesn’t protect truth.
It protects liability, branding, donors, profits, attendance, egos, and power.

And children pay the bill.

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“No Charges Filed” Does NOT Mean “Nothing Happened”

This one needs to be shouted from rooftops because predators rely on your ignorance.

“No charges filed” can mean:

• The statute of limitations expired
• Evidence was lost or mishandled
• The victim was a child who didn’t disclose until adulthood
  • Only 12% of child abuse is reported, ever, and of that 12%- 80% isn’t reported until the child is an adult… let that sink in.
• Law enforcement lacked cooperation
• Prosecutors didn’t think they could win… not that it wasn’t true

The justice system is not a moral compass.
It’s a procedural one.

Truth and convictions are not the same thing.

If you think innocence is proven by paperwork, congratulations! You’re exactly the kind of audience predators count on.

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Grooming Thrives in Polite Environments

Predators don’t crash through doors.

They:

• Volunteer
• Serve
• Mentor
• “Pour into kids”
• Build trust with parents first
• Wrap themselves in faith, authority, or expertise

They hide in places where questioning is labeled:

• “Divisive”
• “Unloving”
• “Unbiblical”
• “Drama”
• “Attacking leadership”

If an environment punishes questions more than it investigates harm, it is unsafe. Period.

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Churches, Schools, Camps, Clubs… You Are Not the Exception

I don’t care how “godly” your mission statement is.

If your first instinct is to:

• Silence victims
• Threaten whistleblowers
• Call lawyers before police
• Protect reputations over truth
• Shame survivors into forgiveness before accountability

You are not operating in righteousness.
You are operating in fear.

And fear is a terrible shepherd.

Jesus was gentle with children and ruthless with those who harmed them.
Read the Gospels again. Slowly.

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Silence Is Not Biblical. It’s Cowardice.

Let’s dismantle the spiritual gaslighting.

Grace does not cancel accountability.
Forgiveness does not erase consequences.
Unity does not require secrecy.
Love does not demand silence.

Scripture does not command us to protect institutions.
It commands us to protect the vulnerable.

If your theology requires children to suffer quietly so adults can stay comfortable, your theology is broken.

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Why I Refuse to Shut Up… No Matter the Cost

I’ve been threatened.
Flagged.
Shadowed.
Warned to “be careful.”
Told I’m “too much.”

Good.

Because history doesn’t remember the careful.
It remembers the ones who spoke when it was costly.

Silence has never protected a child but exposure has.

And if telling the truth makes me inconvenient, uninvited, or disliked?

So be it.

I didn’t come this far to be polite.
I came to be faithful.

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To Parents, Leaders, and Bystanders Reading This

If you see something:

• Document.
• Break the silence and speak up.
• Report.
• Escalate.
• Refuse to be intimidated.

If you’re in leadership:

• Stop circling wagons.
• Stop minimizing.
• Stop weaponizing forgiveness.
• Start choosing children even if it costs you everything.

Because one day, you will answer for what you protected.

And silence will not save you.

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Children deserve protection- not press releases.
Truth- not damage control.
Courage- not quiet compliance.

I’m done holding punches.

And if that makes waves?
Good.

It’s time the water got uncomfortably hot.

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